Filling in Some of the Blanks
by In A Tizzy
Summary: One Shot. Carter's back from rehab and there's been something big he wasn't prepared for. Story follows Season 7 episode Mars Attacks. Carter / Deb friendship. K


This story takes place the evening after Carter's first shift back at County after rehab. It follows the Season 7 episode Mars Attacks. Carter / Deb friendship.

**Filling in Some of the Blanks**

He had some serious catching up to do. A lot happened while he was away in rehab. Apparently, a lot was happening before he went to Atlanta and he was too wrapped up in his own little world to notice. He knew he needed to own up to his actions, his behaviors, and he had to try and make things right. The first thing on his list was to figure out how badly he had failed his good friend. He placed a lot of value on her friendship and he needed to make sure they were still the good friends he thought they were.

His first day back at work, he was surprised to discover she was pregnant, and 24 weeks at that. Even though they hadn't seen or talked to each other in 3½ months, it was still disconcerting to know that he didn't know about her condition before he left for Atlanta. Since she wasn't particularly forthcoming with any more details at work, he asked her out to dinner after their shift. He figured without Dave constantly hovering about with questions and innuendo, she'd be more comfortable talking about it.

The waiter brought their orders to the table, setting the Porterhouse steak in front of John Carter and the Mahi Mahi in front of Jing Mei, their favorite menu selections at their favorite restaurant. It had been a while since the pair had patronized the restaurant, but the waiter still recognized them and remembered their standard order. The only thing different this time was that there was no wine. He ordered an ice tea, and she followed his lead. The waiter chalked it up to the quite round belly she was now sporting.

They chatted about his first day back, the frustration of the limits Weaver surprised him with, the scut work, the endless parade of mundane minor cases and the highlight of his day, flying paper airplanes off the roof with the paraplegic little boy who had the UTI. Of course, they also chatted about the lowlight, peeing in the cup as Mark Greene watched; a process that he would have to repeat again and again. She was supportive and encouraging, reminding him that by complying each day with the rules and regulations Weaver and Greene established, each day he earned back a bit more of their trust. As that trust is reestablished, he'd be allowed to do more and more. It would take time, but he'd eventually be back to practicing medicine the way he wanted to.

He suddenly realized the conversation was centered on how his drug addiction affected him professionally, but that's not why he asked her to dinner. He wanted to find out how much their relationship had suffered and what he needed to do to earn back her trust. She seemed genuinely happy to see him at work today, and was very helpful when patients' treatment fell outside of his limits, but it bothered him that she was at least 2½ months pregnant when he left for Atlanta and he couldn't remember her mentioning anything about it. Carter looked across the table at his friend and asked "Was I really that out of it?"

She tilted her head to the side, puzzled as to what he was trying to ask "What do you mean?"

He clarified, "Before I left for Atlanta, was I not paying attention? Was I not listening?"

Jing Mei thought about it. There were times when he was definitely not himself, times when details didn't register, times when he was easily frustrated and quick to anger and times when he seemed truly distracted. "I guess you could say you're a little guilty. Why do you ask?"

Cautiously, he proceeded, "I don't remember you talking about someone special, but obviously…" He used his hand to motion over to her.

Her extended abdomen was hidden by the table, but she knew what he meant. Releasing a small puff of air, she bit her lip and focused her gaze on the dinner plate in front of her in an effort to gather her courage. She took a deep breath before looking him in the eye. "There wasn't anyone special…just someone who was there one night." Embarrassed, she returned her gaze to the plate that sat in front of her.

Carter tightened his lips as he stared at his friend, mentally evaluating her statement. It was not in his character to treat a woman like that. It was hard for him to understand how a man could bed a woman down for a night and then disappear, never to be heard from again. That kind of man had to be few and far between, yet she always seemed to find them.

After a somewhat uncomfortable moment, she tilted her head back up. Seeing the look on John's face, she explained, "He was everything I'm physically attracted to and he was paying attention to me. It'd been a long time and he was so…I let things get out of hand. I didn't mean to, it just sort of happened."

"It just sort of happened and now you're kind of pregnant. Why didn't use birth control? Deb, you're a doctor, you know better."

"By the time I realized he didn't have anything" she shook her head "hormones were already out of control. I couldn't put the brakes on."

Carter sucked in a large amount of air before loudly exhaling. "So does Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome know?"

"You left off hellaciously hot body." Deb said in an attempt to lighten the conversation.

"You didn't tell him?" Carter persisted.

"No." Becoming uncomfortable with the conversation, she began pushing the remainder of her vegetables around with her fork.

"Why not?" Carter insisted on knowing anyway.

Slowly she put her fork down and looked him in the eye. "If I meant anything at all to him, if he were interested in having any kind of further relationship, he knows where to find me. He'd call, he'd show up. He's done neither." The sadness in her voice was haunting.

Carter was able to recognize that she felt disappointed her mystery man didn't follow up with a return appearance. It had to be difficult for her. He knew deep down she wanted a relationship that would lead somewhere, but she was having the worst luck finding it. He felt guilty that his addiction had prevented him from being there for her when she was hurt and needing someone to lean on. "So what are you going to do?" He asked in a gentle, compassionate voice.

"I've been thinking about giving him up for adoption." She looked up and saw the concern in his eyes. She took a deep breath in before shakily exhaling. "I keep going over in my mind, how I can take care of a baby, give him the love and nurture he needs while doing my residency. You know how insane our hours can be. I just don't see how I can do it without some support. Without the father in the picture at all, I just don't see how I can do it. I mean, I could hire a nanny, but he would end up spending as much or more time with her as he would me. That's not why you have a child."

"Your parents won't help?" Carter asked.

She scrunched up her face. "I haven't told them yet. I'm not even sure that I want to."

"Deb, you're gonna have to tell them sooner or later."

"I'm not sure that I can." Her voice was weak and quivered a bit.

In almost a whisper, Carter asked "Why not?"

"They are so old school Chinese, so traditional, they'd never understand".

Carter was aware of her preference in men. With that statement, he knew she was carrying a biracial child. He reasoned that would present some special challenges, especially for a single mother and especially when the child would more favor his father in appearance. But surely her parents were exposed to inter-racial couples and biracial children in their work. Surely, in this day and age, professional people who engage the public as intimately as doctors do, would not have issues with race. He pointed out, "Deb, they're doctors."

"At St. Bart's. The world they see is not the same one we see. And what's acceptable for other people, isn't necessarily acceptable from their own daughter. There's a proper order and a proper way to do things, and this isn't it." She let out a heavy sigh, almost a cry.

Carter had been to her parent's house. He attended a few of the parties they hosted. There was always an assortment of people of different cultures and skin colors. In the brief moments he'd spent with them, they seemed like ordinary, warm and loving parents. True he had no expertise in that area, but they were definitely more in tune with her than his parents were with him. "You're their daughter, Deb. They love you. They'll support you."

"Not about this. This is too far from their traditional values." How could she tell him that while her parents could relate to people of any race in a medical or casual social situation, it was another matter altogether when it involved intimate family relationships? How could she tell him that having a baby out of wedlock would be extremely difficult for her parents to accept if the child were Asian? That it would be impossible for them, especially for her father, to accept a black child as their grandson? That what she had done was grievously dishonorable to them? She couldn't. This was hers to bear alone in silence.

"So you're going to do this alone?" Carter asked with compassion.

Again, she resorted to shoving her vegetables around her plate with her fork, "I don't have any other choice" she uttered in an almost inaudible voice.

He reached across the table and puts his hand on hers."You're not alone Deb, you need me, just call. I'll be here for you." A tear fell from her eye, she held her breath and swallowed hard. Carter tilted his head slightly. The sight touched him. "I mean it Deb, anytime, just let me know."

He momentarily bowed his head before making his apology for his addiction behavior. "Look, you did your best to try and help me when I needed it. I know I didn't want to hear it, I didn't want to listen. I told you no. I shut you down. You never let any of that discourage you from trying to help me. I blew up at you for going to Mark, and you still…"

"That's what friends are for right?" Deb asked softly.

Carter nodded. Still holding her hand, he reached across the table for her other hand as well, holding them both tightly in his. He looked her in the eye and told her "I want to be here for you the way you've been here for me."

With pregnant hormones controlling her emotions, tears ran down her face. "Would you be my coach?"

Carter gave her another nod with eyes that bespoke his deep compassion for her.

She smiled, thankful for his friendship. In a soft voice, Deb let him in on a little secret. "You know if Dave finds out, he'll take it as confirmation of an erroneous little assumption he's made."

Carter returned the smile. "He said something about that today. I didn't bother correcting him. It was kind of fun letting him stew on that."

"I thought so too" she giggled.

Carter laughed along with her.


End file.
